Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
