saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
