I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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