Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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