it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
