his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
dude. I can hear the air.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
