I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
