Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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