The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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