he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
