Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
