and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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