R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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