Kiss
Puke
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
