The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What a dumb baby whore.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
