the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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