are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
