So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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