i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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