Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
