I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
