It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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