ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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