just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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