I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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