How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
