Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
