I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
