I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She announced her abortion via fbk
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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