He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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