So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
