im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
