oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
