update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
