Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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