By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
