So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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