she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
