he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
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Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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