Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
