were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
