I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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