please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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