getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
