Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
