WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
handjob tips. give me some.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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