I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
