I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
