she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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