I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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