haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
