Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
