did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
