you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
