i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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