I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
