We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
