I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
