saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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