i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
