I just pynch a tree in the face
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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