Duck Duck Cougar?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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