True but thats because hes a fetus.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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