Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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