I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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