When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I want is dick and wine.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
