I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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