I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
