Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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