My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
