Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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