omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
