Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
