She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
