i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
