I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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