I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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