i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
