I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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