after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
