don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
