even my farts smell like vagina
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
