if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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