And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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